The guilt I felt for making two elderly people walk through the rain and take care of me was overtaken by the anchoring grief and bitterness that continued to build walls into my heart. And the thing was I knew that I had no real reason to be mad at Raike. He was entitled to how he felt, but the thought of it burned me even more. Because then the question became what was so wrong with me? Why wasn't I good enough? When did I start needing to be enough for him?

I gripped so hard onto the quilt Mara had given me earlier when we came in that the seams popped. The fire crackled away and my clothes had been taken to be washed. Old man Litters had been kind enough to let me wear some of his older son’s clothes that still fit too snugly despite how large the men in the family were and I tried my best to keep from spiraling again. Too big began echoing in my head and heart viciously. I am too big for him. I am too big.

Old man Litters sat across from me in their overtly cluttered living room with his legs up. He didn't say anything to me but I knew he had a lot to say. I'm sure Mara had cut into him about not opening his mouth when they'd gone to gather everything for the fireplace.

Above the fireplace was a painting of Mara and Old Man Litters on their wedding day smiling happily, at the town’s big tree. I shifted my attention to the other family paintings in the room hoping to escape the thoughts that fought to make it to the forefront of my mind. Married at the big tree. I glanced around the room to see all the trinkets and paintings and family heirlooms the Litters had accumulated over their forty years of marriage. Marriage.

Old Man Litters shifted in his seat only to hiss when his leg hit the table beside him. My eyes ran to him only for him to wave his hand in reassurance. He shifted a bit more to the left of his seat, moving further away from the table and rubbing his bad leg but made no other noise. Silence and the roaring of the fire fought for dominance in the background only for footsteps to interrupt.

A warm cup of what looked like tea was shoved into my hands and another was forced into Litters. "Now that you know, and Raike is getting married what are you going to do?"

She made no effort to soften her words with a smile or comforting eyes she just sat down on the couch next to me. Staring intently without pause, waiting for me to answer. I had no answer.

I had no plan. I had nowhere to go. I had no one to turn to. It was just me now. Mara nodded when she saw my face shift but no answer rang out. "Just as I'd thought."

"You've been waiting all these years for that boy to notice you that you didn't even take enough time out to think about yourself." she placed her own cup of what I'm assuming was tea onto the table and walked over to a cabinet in the far right of the room.

With a little bit of wiggling and shaking of the door handle, she forced the door of the cabinet open with a loud creaking sound. She huffed brushing down her skirt before rustling through the contents inside. A few pieces of fabric, an old drawing, and a sewing kit that'd seen better days fell to the floor from her disturbance but Mara made no motion to pick them up, still searching for whatever she was looking for.

"Ah-ha" Pulling away from the cabinet Mara showcased what she'd found.

A little black book with a drawing of a songbird on the front of it. Old Man Litters gave a little laugh when he saw the book that drew my attention away but for a moment to glanced at him just to turn back again.

"Now, I have a friend who lives in the capital who creates and sells tonics for a living. She recently wrote me stating that she needed to find an assistant soon to help her run the shop now that her mother is getting up there in age. Her name is Gladys and she would be jumping for joy to have someone of your skill working with her." she handed me the little black book and sat back down before continuing, but not before taking a sip of tea.

"Inside that book are some of the ingredients that she uses to make her tonics. She pays well and she is a trusted friend of mine and Emmett's for a long time. She offers room and board and three meals a day. This is an offer of a lifetime. Her tonics are even used by the Royal Family." I stared at Mara unwilling but certain of why she was saying what she was saying.

Tears welled in my eyes and that is when she responded, jumping up immediately from her seat and grabbing me into a deep and tight hug. My chest shook from the force of the sobs I'd been fighting so hard not to release. And she patted my back roughly but soothingly all the same. "I know it's hard darling, I know. You've loved that boy your whole life and now it's time to let him go. I know it hurts sweetheart, but the best is yet to come." she continued to pat and soothe and not too soon after Old Man Litters joined.

It was time to let him go.